Sheet 8

  • "Shut up, Armageddon pier staff" -wrote Dave Rhodes as he quietened his chattering class. A few moments of mystified silence. "Try it American style" -Dave. Bouts of laughter resound after another moment's deliberation (work it out...)
  • "Son of a bitch, you broke my heart" -Tasmin Archer
  • "Keflar, bitch!" -Leo Nova >BANG BANG CRASH< "Smith & Wesson, asshole!" -Rita Rizzoli (Whoopi Goldberg) From the film, "Fatal Beauty". It's funny in context.
  • "Did you see Harry Enfield?" "I find him as funny as genital warts" "Genital warts are hilarious" "On somebody else" "Of course" -Conversation overheard in the Forbidden Planet, by Stel. 'Twas two staff members.
  • "Dear Concerned..." -Bill's secretary.
  • "Don't touch anything. It might explode and kill you" -a sign in the Deep Pan Pizza Co. restaurant.
  • "Doctor Passaris; your cheese toastie is ready" -Doreen. Actually that's false. She's not called Doreen, and it was probably a salad. Apart from that, it's fine!
  • "KEITH HO LUVS PHIL RODGER WHO LUVS CHRIS TREACY Who loves Simon Rose WHO'S A KNOB" -written on an RGS desk (but you realy have to know the people involved to understand it).
  • "Every silver lining's got a touch of gray" -Grateful Dead
  • "It won't go away if you don't pull its head off" -Girl on no. 12 bus.
  • "If you bring pyjamas, you have to wear them on your head..." -Girl on Metro to boy sitting next to her.
  • "&*!!£# - my head's fallen off" -Girl in CDT class.
  • "It has to be tight or you will drown" -Swimming instructor to his class.
  • "Sex without love is an empty experience, but as far as empty experiences go, it is one of the best" -Woody Allen, sharp-witted as ever.
  • "What colour is your toilet roll?" -Old woman on bus to other old woman.
  • "Do you think feet are really necessary?" -CDT teacher to the girl with no head (see before on this sheet).
  • "How big is your old person?" -Girl in English Class.
  • "I suspect that I might be a potato" -Man on TV talking about reincarnation.
  • "I will judge no man until I have walked in his moccasins for six months." -Native American proverb.
  • "Those who can't drink don't take milk in their coffee." -solution to maths problem (which Clare got wrong!)
  • "If I say no, he just goes and does it with the dog" -Woman in book about Celibate love.
  • "It's a long way to Tipparary" -Pope John Paul II, but why?
  • "The lampshade didn't really go with the socks, did it?" -Girl in assembly, discussing fashion deisgn.
  • "Can you die from getting your nose run over?" -Girl in CEG class (accidents at work).
  • "I don't think that I should have put him in the blender" -woman in Virgin Megastore.
  • "How many fingers have you got?" -boy on Metro.
  • "Peanuts for everybody" -Charles M. Schulz
  • "Good grief!" -Charlie Brown
  • "You try and keep your fingers in" -Clare's mother to Laura, on filling beanbags.
  • "Go Hoover your ceiling" -Clare's mother to Clare on dust removal.
  • "I'm a pacifist" -Claire Moorhead.
    Look! The answer to the quote is "I'm a getting pissed off"!

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