On Love

I don't believe in love. Not like the poets and the songwriters tell us, anyway. To be honest, I'm a typical man of science, and trust in the rational evidence of prolonged experience rather than a nebulous belief borne through ignorance. As such, and having at least a passing familiarity with the developments we have made in neuroscience, I believe love to be but a chemical reaction in our brains. That kind of takes away from the whole romance of the issue, doesn't it? But nevertheless, that is my belief.

To be sure, it has a potent effect on us, but so too do other chemicals (narcotics, psychedelics, et aliter). I can't believe it is anything but a chemical reaction, since all evidence we have amassed as a species tells us that that is the only way we experience any sensation. Science has even had the dubious victory of reproducing in the lab ecstatic moments of religious epiphany (truly the major bastion of unsupported belief). I can only think that they have skirted clear of love for so long because it would be unpopular to demystify it.

When I talk of love, I'm talking of that pure emotional high that we get at the beginning of a relationship. "True love" as the poets would have it. After a time (the 'honeymoon period' as it is called) this fades, to be replaced with more of a feeling of comfort and acclimatised practicality, the long-term feeling that is also felt towards your family and friends. I base this observation not just on personal experiences, but also on anecdotal evidence from countless others. I trust also that there are exceptions out there who would be willing to argue the matter with me, but I fully accept that the length of the honeymoon period will vary considerably between individuals.

For the cynical amongst you, I have been in love. I am under no illusions on that point. I remember my first true love vividly; I would have done anything for her. I have been in love since, several times, to a different extent each time, but I have yet to equal that first rush. Being aware of how I think about these things, I accept that and concentrate more on the long-term aspects of a relationship, since that's what counts more (unless I am to become a Lothario, bouncing from partner to partner). Of course, for me the ultimate would be to either equal that first love, or to finally marry my first love. I seriously doubt Clare feels the same way, so here's hoping for the former (which I do believe will happen).

So if you think this makes me a colder person, think away, but I reckon it makes me more practical, and better at maintaining a longer relationship. Something so close to lust cannot be that healthy for a lifetime partnership, because what if the object of your affections changes? At least I can feel safe in thinking that I will remain faithful when I marry.

[There is an alternative argument, of course. Maybe I'm still in love with Clare, and the shadow of that love reduces my feeling for any other hopeful. I don't think that's the case because I am now over Clare. But it's a dangerous thought nevertheless.]

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