We've all thought about it at some point; "Ooh, 50 points for running her over" or "You'd get 200 points for him" Have you wondered where these seemingly arbitrary values come from? Well they don't come from here. The answer is that people just make up these figures for the fun of it, generally using multiples of 5, 10, 25, and 100. There is no method behind it. And just to prove a point, and since because there can be method in madness there may be sanity in works without method, I present to you a points system devised by my good self.
PEOPLE
Man . . . . . . . . . . . . . . 10 Woman 15 - pregnant . . . . . . . . . . 75 Teenager 15 Child . . . . . . . . . . . . . 25 Infant 50 - in pram . . . . . . . . . 100 Geriatric 5 - with zimmerframe . . . . . . 25 Siamese twins: score each twin separately
ANIMALS by size (except *)
Hedgehog sized . . . . . . . . 5 Cat sized 15 Sheep sized . . . . . . . . . . 25 Deer sized 50 Cow sized (good luck) . . . . 100 Elephant sized (as if) 200 * Pigeon . . . . . . . . . . 1000
MODIFIERS
Riding a bicycle . . . . . . +25 Collecting for charity +25 Wearing fancy dress . . . . . +25 - except for mimes +50 Makes a loud noise . . . . . +50 Makes a bloody smear +50 Wielding an offensive (and possibly illegal) weapon +50 Annoying . . . . . . . . . . +50 Local celebrity +50 National celebrity . . . . . +100 International celebrity +250 Global celebrity . . . . . . +500
These points are based on rarity, ease of running over, and just general meanness. To give you an example, you'd get the same amount of points for running over a bloody, loud, annoying elephant known the world over, dressed as a mime, collecting for cancer research, that was balanced on a bicycle, brandishing a General Electric minigun, as you would for a pigeon. Possibly that's a bit unfair. Everyone knows it would be far easier to kill the elephant. But I stand by my valuations, mainly 'cause I don't care. Comments to the usual address.
Variant: DRIVING FOR PINTS. Load up with a crate and drive around. For every ten points you get, down a can of beer. Watch that score rocket!