Individuals are defined from the collective population through their intrinsic foibles, those quirks that distinguish one faceless bod from the next. We all have them, and we live with them as we can, for without them we would be someone else. As humans, one of the key aspects of our ongoing lifestyles is an ever incrasing emphasis on communication. Our capacity for communication increases, and so too does our want and thus our need for it. We rely on talking to other people. At times we need to be alone, but exclusive loneliness breeds personality disorders. Because of this, the key to our communication - language - defines us as individuals as much as (if not more than) anything else. I, like any other individual, have my own little sayings that are peculiar to me, and here is where I'm shoving them. Cataloguing them is more for my benefit than for yours (since I don't expect anyone to be reading this with avid interest) and lets me see how I think over time. It's just one more link to my past.
"Times change, Peter, people change. Come on son, I'll buy you a drink."Were these words from a dream? I remember them vividly, though they originate from long ago. Finding no other source for the phrase, I must fall back to the assumption that it came from a dream, just one more creation from an overactive imagination. Certainly, we're talking many years ago.
"Up shit creek without a condom."I have a reputation (perhaps deserved, perhaps undeserved) as being a "sick puppy". This phrase is the original winner of the Sick Puppy Award™, of which I have been the recipient more times than anyone else I know. I, personally, don't think that I'm twisted. I also don't make any false claims to being "insane" just because that may be a "cool" thing to say. I merely have a very creative mind.
"There's safety in numbers - get gang raped."Sick Puppy Award™. I'm not proud of this, but I said it nevertheless. It was definitely funny at the time, but of course I don't condone rape. If you think that I do, I am fully prepared to get very angry at you. And yes, I'm not making fun of rape either. If you still want to make an issue out of it, flame me.
"Mix business with pleasure - screw your boss."Sick Puppy Award™. This phrase would be great for bumper stickers, T-shirts, subliminal messaging, whatever. Don't worry: I own the copyright. The beauty lies in the the ambiguity of the statement. These three award winners are from my time as a first year student at university. Gone are the good days.
"If my face was yellow, I'd look like a JCB."For those that don't know, a JCB is a big yellow tractor type arrangement with digging things. The reference is that I am grinning so much that were my face yellow, I would resemble the toothed digging bucket of a JCB digger backhoe. You know, very toothsome.
"This sucks worse than a two dollar whore."Once more, ambiguity reigns supreme in my speech patterns. It's not like I revel in innuendo. It's more that I twist what people (including myself) say and throw their words back at them in some new devious form. This, though, is a simple saying, easy to use in all manner of polite situations and in the company of the elite nobility.
"What man is this that like machine doth work / expressing no emotion nor desire?"Written in the style of Shakespeare et aliter, we see here an example of a fragment of a potential greater work, one which I doubt will be completed. These lovely couplets come to me via inspiration, but I lack the art and skill to expand them into their full potential forms. Historical Note: this couplet actually did eventually became the base for a complete work, Testimony.
"It's hotter than Satan's armpit in here."My mind finds similes constantly, and together with my taste for the bizarre/surreal/depraved I keep coming up with such phrases. If you look, you'll see more of them above, and I bet I'll add more below before too long. I've noticed that my aptitude for instant similes helps make me a good teacher.
"The head of John the Baptist, on a plate."A phrase I have used for years, often in response to such questions as, "What would you like?" This is my random object to be used as a filler in any conversation. Everyone should have one! They're most useful! (A random object that is; I think John the Baptist might complain if everyone had his head.)
More sayings to come, as and when I remember them and can be motivated enough to add them to this page. I honestly doubt that you care, though. But if you'd like a bit of fun, why not view an idle threat?